A New Beginning
by betterthanfiction
Summary: At a party at the end of the holiday break, Clare finds herself facing a question that she'd been avoiding since the Frostival. One-shot.


"I can't believe holiday break is almost over already. It completely flew by. It seems like the Frostival was just yesterday!"

Alli and Clare were in Clare's room on the Saturday before break, and Alli was blabbering excitedly about how wonderful her holidays were. Dave had somehow come up with the money to buy her a beautiful diamond necklace for Christmas, and the two shared a kiss at midnight on New Year's, which, according to Alli, was "magical." Clare tried to pay attention, she really did, but her mind was in other places.

Alli was wrong. This break could not have gone by any slower.

The only thing she'd been able to think about for the entire week had been the kiss she shared with Eli before he left for vacation. She hadn't spoken with him since that night. Eli texted her a few times, and even left her two voicemails, but she couldn't bring herself to respond. She wanted to, she missed talking with him terribly, but every time she picked up the phone to call him or text him, she had no idea what to say. How could she talk with him like that night never happened? She decided it was best to wait until she saw him in person before speaking with him, and hopefully he wouldn't think that she was ignoring him.

"Clare? _Clare?_ Earth to Edwards!" Alli snapped Clare out of her thoughts.

"Oh, I'm sorry. What were you saying?"

Alli sighed. "I was _saying_ that you should probably wear that nice navy dress you have with a blazer to the party tonight."

Drew and Adam were having a party to celebrate the end of the holidays at their house that evening. It was mostly for Drew and his friends on the basketball team, but Adam was told he could invite anyone he wanted to as well, hence Clare and Alli's invitations. Clare didn't understand why anyone would celebrate the end of a break from school, but she figured that some people would find any reason to throw a party.

"Oh, yeah. That would be pretty."

Alli gave Clare a concerned look. "Are you all right, Clare? You've been so…off lately. Did something happen?"

Clare hadn't told Alli that she kissed Eli yet. It never really came up in conversation. Clare figured that now would be a good time to tell her, though, and hopefully she would give some advice about how to start her imminent conversation with Eli.

"Um, well, I, uh…" Clare stuttered, and Alli gestured for her to continue. "Well…I kind of…kissed Eli at the Frostival."

Alli's eyes widened. "You what?" she yelled, and Clare shushed her, not wanting anyone to barge into the room thinking something was wrong.

"Well, we were having such a nice time, and it just felt like old times, you know? I hadn't realized how much I missed being with him until then."

Alli let out an exasperated sigh. "Okay, so what did Eli say afterwards?"

"Nothing. I think he was too shocked to say anything. I told him we'd talk after he got back from his vacation."

"And what are you going to say to him?"

There was a long, awkward pause. "…I honestly have no idea. Could you help me out with that?"

"Well, do you want to get back together with him?" Alli asked, her voice much calmer now.

"Kind of?" Clare said tentatively.

"What do you mean, 'kind of?'" retorted Alli. Clare was surprised that she was taking such an interest in the status of her and Eli's relationship, considering she was the one who convinced Clare that breaking up with Eli was what was best for both of them.

"Well, I _do_, but I don't want to get hurt again. I'm scared that if we get into another relationship, it'll end up like it did last time." Clare laid back on her bed and sighed. "What should I do?"

Clare looked at Alli and saw that she was looking around the room, probably thinking of a proper answer to her question. Finally, she spoke, "I think…what you two had was something special. And I think it might still be special. But you should probably make sure that it's still special."

Clare sat up as she said, "You mean, take things slow?"

"I mean, like, _snail pace_ slow, Clare. Don't kiss, excessively hug, or cuddle with him for at least another few weeks or so. Make sure that you both feel the same way about each other. And if you don't, then at least you'll still have what will probably be a lasting friendship. But if the time comes and you both feel ready to take the next step, then go for it." Alli smiled and patted Clare's shoulder as she finished saying this.

"So…you wouldn't disapprove of me dating Eli again?" Clare asked.

"Well, he seems a lot better lately, and I trust your judgment, so I'll support whatever you decide to do one hundred percent."

Clare smiled and hugged her best friend. "Thanks, Alli."

"No problem." After they separated, Alli clapped her hands together and said brightly, "Now, let's see if I can find anything here for _me_ to wear tonight."

* * *

By the time they'd both arrived at the Torres household, there was already a substantial amount of people there. Clare saw Alli smiling at someone, and she matched her gaze to see Dave walking towards them.

"Hey, Alli, looking beautiful as always," Dave said as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and kissed her cheek. He nodded at Clare and gave a slight wave. "What's up, Clare?"

Feeling a tad bit awkward now that she was a third wheel, Clare smiled at him and answered, "Nothing much. Same old, same old. You?"

"Same. Spent all day clearing snow from my driveway. At least I'm getting a good workout for basketball season. I can't believe it's coming up already; this year is going by so fast."

Clare nodded, though she honestly disagreed. It felt like ages ago that the year had started. So much was different back then. Her hair was significantly shorter, she was still dating Jake…

"Well, we should go find somewhere to sit down. Wanna come with, Clare?" Alli asked, making Clare lose her train of thought.

"Uh, you can go ahead without me. I'm going to get a drink."

"Alright. Try and find us, we'll save you a seat!" Dave took Alli's hand in his and the two began to make their way through the party.

Clare began to make her way to the kitchen, where there were dozens of colorful plastic cups and a large assortment of sodas and other drinks on the counter. There were also plates, forks, knives, and platters of food that were already half empty. Clare and Alli had eaten before they got there, though, so she wasn't hungry. Clare picked a pink cup from the assortment and poured herself a soda.

"Hey, Clare! I was wondering when you'd show up."

Clare looked up and saw Adam coming to greet her.

"Hi, Adam. Sorry I'm late, but you know Alli. She can never be ready for a party on time." They both laughed at Clare's all-too-true comment.

"So…" Adam began, as the two began to walk toward the basement stairs, "How was your break? I haven't seen nearly as much of you as I would have liked to, since I was either with family or skiing nearly the entire time."

"Oh, it was fine, I guess." Clare responded quietly. "Nothing special."

"Aw, disappointed you couldn't share a New Year's kiss with a special someone?" asked Adam playfully.

Clare's heart started racing. Did Adam know about what happened at the Frostival? "I, uh, well—" Clare stuttered, unable to form proper sentences.

"Clare, I was joking. Relax." Adam eyed her suspiciously.

"Oh, right. Of course," said Clare quickly, laughing a bit in an attempt to cover up her blunder.

Adam furrowed his eyebrows for a moment, but soon raised both of them and smiled, looking as though he had just realized something. Before Clare was able to decipher what this meant, Adam put his arm around her shoulders and began to lead her downstairs.

"Hey, you should probably go outside for a sec. There's something you need to see."

"What?" Clare asked, confused.

"Just go," said Adam as he opened the sliding door and pushed her outside. Clare was facing him as he did this, and was about to ask him what she was supposed to see when he gestured for her to turn around. She did so, and her heart nearly stopped.

Eli Goldsworthy was sitting on the bench on the patio. He looked up, his face blank. Neither of them dared to say anything. There was an awkward silence between them for a moment, until Clare spoke.

"Hey," she said softly.

"Hey," responded Eli.

_Say something, you idiot! _Clare thought to herself, really not wanting to be the one to start the conversation. She hesitatingly sat down on the bench next to him, too nervous to make eye contact.

"Eli, I—" Clare started, but Eli had started talking at the same time. "You first," she said, smiling.

"I just…I guess I should just cut to the chase. Clare…why did you kiss me at the Frostival?" asked Eli, his voice sincere.

Well, this was it. The one question she'd dreaded answering for over a week now. The only thing that had been nagging in the back of her mind since she'd kissed him. She looked around, trying to find the right words to say, and she looked at Eli to see if he would say anything else, but he just continued to stare at her, waiting for her answer.

"I…I wanted to," she finally answered.

Eli chuckled. "Okay, well, why did you want to?"

"Because…" Clare trailed off, once again unable to find the right words to say. "Because spending so much time with you working on the newspaper made me realize that…I still had feelings for you. That, no matter how hard I tried to suppress them, they never really went away." Clare felt relieved that she'd finally let these feelings out, since they'd been practically eating away at her for nearly the entire break. Clare's heart continued to race as she waited for Eli's response.

He stared at the ground, tapping his foot to an irregular beat. Could he not tell that she was dying for a response?

"Say something. Please. Anything," Clare begged him. He looked up at her and sighed.

"Clare, I…I don't know what to say. This isn't exactly the incredibly epic and romantic reunion I always used to imagine between us." He smiled sheepishly and leaned further back onto the bench.

Used to_ imagine between us?_ Clare thought sadly. She looked down at her boots, the cold January air suddenly feeling much chillier.

"So, I guess we should just forget this ever happened?" Clare asked sadly. Judging by the way Eli was talking, he was implying he no longer felt the same way about her.

"Wait, who said anything about forgetting about this?" asked Eli. At this, Clare quickly turned her head to look at him.

"But I…I thought that…"

"Clare, to put it bluntly, I think I'll always love you. But for the longest time I thought you only wanted to be friends, and after a while, I realized that I was okay with that. I wanted you in my life in any way you possibly could be. So when you kissed me, I was honestly shocked. In fact, until just now, I wasn't entire sure that it actually happened and that it wasn't a dream. I was so worried that, since you weren't answering my calls or texts or anything, that you were second guessing yourself. You have no idea how happy I am to hear that that's not the case. "

"Right, sorry about that. I just didn't want to talk to you before seeing you in person. I felt like this was a conversation we needed to have in person." Eli smiled, and Clare returned it. She was ecstatic that he felt the same way, even after all they'd been through.

"So, what now?" asked Eli.

Clare took in a deep breath. "Now…I think we should take it slow. I don't think we should rush into anything right now, if that's okay with you."

"Of course it's okay, Clare," responded Eli, "Why wouldn't it be?"

Clare bit her lip, and looked uncertainly at the boy next to him. "Eli?" she asked.

"Yeah?"

"…I'm glad that we're picking up where we left off."

Eli grinned. "Me too, Clare, me too."

A harsh wind blew through the air, reminding the two that they were outside. "We should probably get back inside," said Clare, "Alli is probably freaking out over my whereabouts."

"Yeah, it's getting pretty cold out here. Maybe I should have worn something more than a leather jacket." Clare laughed at his comment, and realized just how much she was looking forward to becoming his friend again, to rebuilding their relationship.

As they walked inside, Eli's hand brushed against Clare's, as if asking for permission to take it. Clare didn't even hesitate to intertwine her fingers with his, and she was sure that the warmth she felt when they stepped inside together had nothing to do with the fact that they were no longer outside.


End file.
